I am done playing the superhero, are you?

Hi there,

It is that time of the year when the leaves are falling, the days are dark and our pre-Christmas and to do lists are getting longer and longer. With that, us more and more anxious by the pressure of seeing the adverts on TV and the Christmas decorations in the window displays of the local businesses.

The general feeling, I get from everybody I speak to, is that everybody is stressed. Lack of time seems to be the main culprit, super long lists of things to do the second problem.

Time has not changed its cycle, we have!

We are doing more things than ever before, trying to be superheroes, finding out sooner or later that we are not. We are humans, and the one who plays the superhero for long enough, knows all too well, how the story ends up. Burt out, tired and anxious, feeling never enough, because of course you will never feel content if you try to accomplish more than you can do.

A friend who has no partner and no children was telling me how it was so hard to commit to his dreams as the list of “aught to do’s” was so long and how those having a family had more motivation as they have others to share the load with. Whether he is right or wrong is not relevant on this blog and on reflection of this conversation, I came to the conclusion that we are all alone!

Whether you live with people or not, have no family or 4 children to look after, we are alone in this journey. Life is very much a single ride with a single seat and no space for anyone to sit on your lap. You might have someone sitting next to you, but the experience is very much a solo experience.

For instance, my daughter who is 14 years old, has most things provided for her, however she is alone in her journey of finding who she is, or who she wants to be. What subjects to choose for GCSE, and who are going to be her friends, are choices that she will have to make by herself. A friend of mine who has a gorgeous and supporting family wants to change her life around and do something that has meaning for her. She shares her life with others, yet, she is very much alone in choosing and finding what it is that she wants to do and when, the long lists of things to do oppressing her.

Nobody can teach us who we are, or what we aught to do in this journey, but we have to choose. We can do it all, bit by bit, but before that, we have to learn to lose, and stop playing the superhero.

Lose? Yep! We are stressed because we want to win at all time, be the superhero and prove that we can do more than the rest, so we are worth the trophy, whichever it is. I don’t blame anybody; since the very beginning the messages we get from our educators and others is that we play, to win. We have to be more and do more in order to win and that is not enough, to keep the place we have to win again and again and again.

Nothing wrong with winning but when it comes to living, we lose more than we win, and it is ok.

Now put this winning/loosing subject in the context of your daily life when the list is longer than you. You have 10 things to do today and if you only do 3 you feel like a loser, like someone has won over you and it is true; time always wins, and this is because you are a human and not a superhero.

Accept your limitations and what you are made of, accept that you are someone probably living with others but doing the thing alone.

Now think, what’s the rush? Who are you trying to compete with? Time? Life? You know who is going to win.

The list of things is not going to get smaller, if you really want to make your dreams come true, knowing that you are alone on this  journey, that you lose more than you win and prioritizing what is most important at this moment, is the key.

I don’t know you, but I’m done playing the superhero; it is not worth my time or my beautiful life. ln reflection of how ill people are becoming over this obsession of doing more, the lack of time and the fantasy of doing things with others, I have decided that I do one thing at the time and no more. And the world can fall apart that I am not going to give in into the pressures of doing more, achieving more or being your superhero.

Tonight, I am going to a Ball, I was meant to be going to a beauty salon to do my nails at this moment, I also wanted to write this blog for you. I don’t have time for everything, or maybe I do, but I can’t be bothered to play the super Marina rushing around like a maniac, in the end enjoying nothing that I do.

I prioritized and decided what was more important, which is of course to write to you, and later, I will add some nail varnish myself. No fuss, it might not look so glam, but I doubt my nails be the talk of the town tonight and by doing that I have freed a lot of time to do what is important and enjoy it too.

With that in mind, you might get your season’s greetings next week if I have time, perhaps in January, whichever the case, know that I have not given up, instead, I am planning to be the human which is more fun, relaxing and daring.

I invite you reflect in how much you are doing these days and how is it making you feel.

  • Next time you feel tempted to play the Superhero ask yourself: for who am I doing this? For what? What is the reward?
  • What am I trying to prove? And why?
  • What in me must accept yet it doesn’t allow me to enjoy my humanness with all my flaws?

Would you join me on celebrating being the human?  If that is so, I raise my glass to you and to life.

Live and love

With much love

Marina

 

Photo by Michelle Cassar on Unsplash